Monday, April 28, 2014

A new chapter

So I went ahead and did it.  Take this job and shove it...

After much consideration and some serious flip-flopping, I've become a stay-at-home-mom (often referred to as SAHM).  It was probably the most difficult decision I've ever made in my life.  Moving across the country at 23 to live with a dude that I had only physically spent a total of 20 days with wasn't even this difficult.  Cool your jets -- my parents (and brother, aunt & uncle) moved me the 1,000 miles (although I'm pretty sure that was THEIR most difficult decision) and the dude that I had spoke on the phone daily (sometimes multiple times if I was drinking that night -- I don't know how he put up with me.  Any girl that calls you multiple times drunk to have you "walk" her home for fear of rabid raccoons is clearly a nut-job.) for over a year and has since become my husband (The Scientist).

To say that I'm scared would be an understatement.  I'm not sure how we are going to make it work.  On paper, everything looks great.  But sometimes reality doesn't always follow what's on paper. 

Now I really didn't "shove" my job -- although I totally would have if the doctor would have been my supervisor.  But my old supervisor said that there might be a position identical to the one that I just quit opening up in a couple of months.  She asked if I would be interested in it.  A little back story -- I worked with a severely difficult doctor -- so difficult that all three of the coordinators that worked with him have either quit (two of us) or are interviewing for another position (the third and she will likely get the job leaving him with NO coordinators) and my supervisor understands how difficult he was.  My supervisor manages multiple centers within the clinic and it is frowned upon for one center to "steal" a coordinator from the other.  So I would have never been able to transfer centers.  But now that I quit, I can come back at the same paygrade and with the same benefits if I come back within the year.  I really liked all aspects of my job, just not the doctor (who wouldn't allow me to do my job because I had never done it before).  My supervisor said there would be a part-time position opening as well as a full-time position later in the year.  It's basically my back-up plan. 

My rationale was if this doesn't work, I can always go back to work.  But if I don't at least try it, I know it would be something that I would regret or dream about "what might have been".  I've had some disapproval from my family -- nothing blatant (just a look when I told them the news).  I didn't expect that, but coming from a blue-collar family where everyone had to work to make ends meet, they don't know any different.  They can't understand how I could give up my paycheck.  Part of me feels the same way, so I understand their skepticism. 

I went in to work two weeks ago to clean out my desk and turn in my badge.  Everyone was disappointed I was leaving, but most understood (those who knew the doctor).  I ran into the doctor as well (as my desk was outside his office) and was thankfully saved by a secretary stopping by from having to have the conversation about my decision to stay at home.  (I have a hard time hiding disdain when money isn't on the line.)  So it's official.

I'm also hopeful that my staying at home will allow me the time I need to get back in shape.  My only time to do so (even when working) is either early in the morning or late at night.  I'm an early bird -- so when we get back, I'm going to start my new exercise routine (and also get my poor depressed puppy out of the house as well).  I'm ready to stop being just a mom, which I realized I have become in the last three months and start being me again -- the wife, the friend and just the old me before I had to devote 24 hours a day to a newborn.  Fish is now officially an infant (no longer a newborn) and is showing some of his maturity in not needing to be held constantly and now just MOST of the time - ha. 

We are in Iowa this week (as we were last week), but I have my new calendar system ready, I've contacted my local SAHM group, and I've contacted the library for information on toddler time.  I'm ready to start this SAHM gig!  I'm scared, but also pretty darn excited about what lays in store this summer.